how to be a patriotic populist

McSweeney's has a standard-issue stump speech that either candidate might wish to borrow:

And how can I mention ponies without telling all you wonderful people, some of whom have driven who knows how many miles and set who knows how many DVRs to record the shows you've watched with dedication every night of every week for years just to be here with me tonight—how could I neglect to tell you about the strong, beautiful, and amazing horse from Montana whose owner had to send her off to the slaughterhouse when things got lean on the ranch? Let me tell you one thing, ladies and gentlemen: I know that gorgeous mare had her head held high when they loaded her into that horse trailer, because she knew she was making the ultimate sacrifice for her country.

Comments

[zaac]

because you would send a "strong, beutiful, amazing horse" to the slaughterhouse before you thought of selling her to some rich horse loving person.. whoops